Let There Be Light: My Genesis Story, and How God Brought me out the Darkness

Let There Be Light: My Genesis Story, and How God Brought me out the Darkness

“In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. Now the earth was wild and waste, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters. And God said, ‘Let there be light,’ and there was light. God saw that the light was good, and he separated the light from the darkness. God called the light ‘day,’ and the darkness he called ‘night.’ And there was evening, and there was morning—the first day.” — Genesis 1:1-5ohu of My Own Creation

I thought how fitting our very first post together should be on beginnings.

I'll go first. Mine was a total, unmitigated hot mess.

It was full of snot, shame and absolute anguish as I sat on the floor with a gun to my head wanting to die, desperate for the pain to stop.

I was trapped in the Tohu va-Vohu—the Hebrew phrase for “the wild and waste”—with nothing but pitch-black darkness closing in on me. What made it worse was that I had no one to blame but myself. I had allowed the world’s "yeses" to fill my thoughts and guide my actions. I became egotistical, greedy, and full of negativity.

As a high school dropout with a tenth-grade education, I was suddenly making more money than I ever dreamed of—we are talking multiple six figures. I was spending money like I was printing it myself, convinced the river would always flow because I was Heather Rose, and I would show them all! Everyone that turned away, left me behind or said I would never be anything.

I bought the big expensive home, drove the cutest newest car, Pinterest came to my house for ideas, you get the idea. I had something to prove and I felt it deserved it all because life owed me.

What a crock of poodle poo!

The Storm Grew

I didn’t deserve any of it.

All my gifts and blessings, I treated like they were my due for all my past pain.

There I was, driven by some intense need to quiet the storm that brewed inside me, slowly building strength like a hurricane in the summertime. I couldn't explain the frenzy I felt growing—a rage that was becoming its own tangible leviathan.

For nearly two years, I lived at my desk. I rarely left it. If I ate at all, I ate at my desk, not with my family. My husband spent his evenings alone while I worked in the next room. I worked through birthdays and anniversaries. Vacations stopped because I spent all my time glued to a computer screen.

Yet, no matter how much I made, how many times I came through and saved the deal, or how many times I was fawned over for being "The Best," the storm inside me only gained strength.

It was so bad that on my 50th birthday, on a trip my husband planned to Key West to celebrate our youngest son's high school graduation milestone and my big day, I worked the entire time, even on that day, my BIG 5-0, instead of celebrating, I worked 18 hours without a break.

The birthday decorations stood dejected and alone in the corner, and the celebration cake went uneaten.

But I didn't notice. I was steadily working—ignoring the beautiful blessings sitting right in front of me for the sake of another closed deal, another check cashed, and another thing bought to prove I was worth something.

The Crash

Then… it all stopped.

Like a bug hitting a windshield at seventy miles an hour, I splattered all over the place. The money disappeared overnight, the "fans" vanished, friends showed their colors. As business dried up, the market slowed to a crawl, and what was once plentiful became completely barren, I found myself back facing the same homelessness I lived as a teenage runaway, the same desperation, the same emptiness.

I went from extreme abundance to suddenly facing losing my business, my home, my reputation, and my mind. I broke. Too many heavy things had cracked me so deeply to the point that I totally Humpty-Dumpty’d into a million pieces all over everything and everyone in my path.

Let There Be Light

 And that brings us right back to where you met me: sitting in the dark, about to die.

Or, so I thought.

Right there in the middle of my wreckage, as I cried out for relief from the pain and begged for forgiveness for what I was about to do, a peace washed over me like nothing I had ever felt before. A sudden, overwhelming sense of “not today, kid” filled me up like a balloon, literally raising me off the floor.

I raced to the bathroom sink, where I hurled until I honestly thought my toes were going to come out. I washed my face, looked in the mirror, and said, “Okay, Big G. What now?”

It was just like that.

Now, listen—it’s not that I suddenly downloaded all the knowledge of the Lord or memorized the entire Bible in that moment. No, I was still pretty ignorant, still am and will always be, but it wasn't as though I didn't know anything about Jesus, God, or the Cross. It was just that I was raised as a “child of science.” I wasn't exposed to church culture at all, aside from a random week at Grandma’s house and Vacation Bible School.

Back then, I always felt completely out of place and stupid at church. I never knew the answers to the games, and I had no clue who half of the people they were talking about were, let alone why they mattered—but I loved the stories just the same.

My person, my cousin—the literal salt to my pepper—always knew the answers. She would secretly help me through the week so no one else knew I had no idea what was going on. (Thanks for that Salt!) She always had this vibrant, inner guiding light, and I envied her for that glow. I wanted that too, so bad, but I was just too young to understand how to get it too.

Time passed, I grew, and life took over. It took so many crazy and scary turns. Some led to wonderful outcomes—like my husband and my beautiful children—and some left deep, jagged scars that only the Lord can fully heal when I finally stand before Him in Heaven.

Over fifty years, the distance grew between me and the Big G. It grew so much that I eventually stopped even thinking about Him. And my life? You guessed it. It just continued to spiral downward out of control.

Until that fateful day, when I sat on the floor in the pitch black, about to die, and the Lord looked down at my mess and said... Let there be light.

And there was light. And it was good.

It is absolutely no coincidence that on the very first day of creation, God ordered the chaos. He stepped into the wild and waste, the “without form and void”—whichever Bible translation you read, it all means the same thing: a catastrophic hot mess.

Just like us. Just like I was. Heck, just like I still am some days! But the massive difference is that now, I am standing firmly in the light—the exact light that God separated from the darkness. And just like that first day of creation... the morning came, the shadows broke, and I stepped into a brand-new day, completely surrounded by God's love and grace.

So no matter where you are right now, or what you have done in your past, God will meet you exactly where you are. He will pull you out of the chaos, out of the void, and out of the dark, if you just reach out your hand and grab His.

From the very beginning of time, through Jesus’s perfect sacrifice on the Cross, and across every single generation, God has been, is, and will always be the light in our darkest nights. And it is good!

As Jesus Himself promised us:

“I have come into the world as a light, so that no one who believes in me should remain in darkness.” — John 12:46

Let’s Pray Together

If you are sitting in the dark today, wondering if your mess is too big or if your time has run out, let me tell you a not-so-secret: God is just waiting for you to ask Him to speak into your chaos.

You don't need fancy, perfect, churchy words. You just need to reach out your hand. If you are ready to let Him flip the switch and bring you into the light, pray this simple prayer with me right now:

Dear Heavenly Father,

I come to You just as I am—with all my flaws, scars, and mistakes. You see the chaos I have been navigating, and You know the weight of the darkness I've faced. Lord, I admit that I cannot carry this under my own strength anymore. I am tired of trying to control everything.

Right here, right now, I surrender my way and reach out for Your hand. I believe that Jesus died on the Cross for me, and that His grace is greater than my past. I ask You, Jesus, to step into my life. Forgive my failures, quiet my storms, and bring Your light into my world. Separate me from my darkness and set my feet on a safe, solid foundation so I can rebuild my life as Your child.

I give you all the glory, all the honor and all the praise.

In Jesus’ mighty name, Amen.

Let's talk!

Friend, if you prayed that prayer today, or if you just need a reminder that you aren't alone in the chaos, leave a comment below and let us know! Our virtual community has plenty of room, the light is officially on, and the coffee is always brewing.

We invite you to continue the conversation by either sharing your own Genesis story, or checking out some of our Bible Study tools, like our Verse and Word Studies on Scriptures used in this post: Genesis 1:1-5; John 12:46

As always, all of our Wild Mustard Seed Ministries resources and classes are FREE, free to use and free to share!